Yesterday was my best day in months. It feels like the treatments are working. I’ve been through three rounds to this point with a fourth coming at the end of this month. I am thankful to God for the process that has led to this point.
Yesterday I had some discomfort but nothing like what I’ve had in the past. I was taking steps without thinking about it or feeling like I had to push through the pain. It was odd to be mindful of what “normal” feels like — the things we do without thinking, the things we take for granted. I am grateful for normal.
While I’m experiencing some relief, it’s on my heart that this has been a week of hardship for various friends of ours. Heart wrenching situations. The kind that can leave you lying on your back, looking up at the sky, and asking God why.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been in that position, but I have and here’s something I’ve learned. Offering well-meant cliches doesn’t allow the moment to be real — to be dealt with inside our soul. Some moments in life suck. It’s part of being alive. And denying those feelings isolates the piece of our soul that is connected emotionally and spiritually to the world around us.
When tragedy occurs, we feel it. We know deep inside of us something has violated the natural order that God created. When a parent outlives a child, when violence occurs, when suffering takes place — every witness knows that an unwritten rule of the natural order has been broken.
That's where God comes in. While we're in the moment he sits with us. Cries with us. Acknowledges that not everything that happens to us is good. He camps with us there, but refuses to allow us to build a home. He tells us that there is more beyond this moment, but he doesn't discredit the pain or try to rush us through the process of healing.
Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes that a sad face is good for the heart. There’s a benefit to going through the grieving process. It allows us to heal from the wounds we receive living in a broken world. Words that could be summed up on a bumper sticker discredit the deep reality of what we are experiencing. “God’s got this”, “It’s all in God’s timing”, “There’s another baby out there waiting for parents like you” — all of these are words meant to encourage, but so often are said when silence might be the better option. There is a time for encouragement after the wounds have been bandaged, but there is a process to get there.